Back to Bad Ass

Harold and I went to Gracious Homes - the one on the other side of the street where the boys go - and we were not messing around.  We needed weaponry.

I was playing this on my iphone (yes, yes, I had the stereo headset thing on so it was just for me) but a word of advice - music is not just for working out or hanging out.  Your life should have a soundtrack and if you play the right song at the right moment, it's pretty deadly.

We had no tools at home, and we were going to take four chairs and and bring them Back to A.  I got this idea from Material Girls and upon reading that post, I was completely inspired. But I needed a Phillip's screwdriver and a staple gun. Yeah, baby.

In my old life there was a fully equipped tool box that my ex-husband used to store in a cabinet above the fridge.  I couldn't even reach it, much less ever thought of doing so.  So it may not seem like a big deal to you, but these two tools had all the power of mass weaponry to me.  I bought them because I needed them, and I was going to ultimately store them someplace lower where I could reach them.  Because I will be reaching for them often.  Back to the task.  (Remember the song that's playing - no messing around.  Right now we're playing with the boys)

I found this incredible table off Craig's List for $40 dollars.  You should cyber-by (my word for online drive-by. Shakespeare made up words all the time and he wasn't even that famous when he did it) Craig's list like, five times daily.  Even if you aren't looking for anything in particular.  I wasn't looking for the Derek Lam dress I bought this weekend, but when I saw it I knew I had been looking for it all my life.  Craig's List is like that.  A Japanese girl was going back to. . . well, Japan, and she didn't care that this table was lucite and heavy and gorgeous and worth a few grand.  She wanted it out, and she wanted it out on a Sunday.  There was an ad for "Man With A Van" on Craig's List as well; I called the girl and the man with the van, and by noon on a Sunday I had this amazing table in my house.  I told you I meet the best people online.  Always time for Green Flea, and I went in search of chairs.

They were quite beautiful, and at $200 for all four quite a bargain.  The nice man at the Green Flea stall said he would drop them off with my doorman on his way home, and once procured I popped the seats off with the phillips screwdriver (it took a very long time, I'm embarrassed to say - - not because it's hard to get four screws off, but playing with the boys does not always equate to boy strength).  Once off, I brought out my favorite Hollandlac paint, sanded the babies down for about ten seconds and got bored again, and started painting - obviously with Pandora playing America Radio in the background - can anyone deal with how painfully beautiful Bertie Higgins' Key Largo is. . . might be the only song that makes me cry a little bit. Reminds me of me when I'm not feeling particularly Back to A, which I do sometimes.  It's okay to slip.  It's okay to spill. Anything that drips can be wiped away.

My place was a war zone.  It made me think of what other people do in their apartments. I might be alone in the level of activity that occurs in mine. . . but I like it that way. It's a factory of one over here - sorry Harold, one and a half - and let me tell you, we know how to rip it.

As the chairs dried, we went in search of a fabric that would accent our Madeline Weinrib rug and the hot pink knobs on the coffee table.  We searched far and wide - our heart was set on the typical Hollywood Regency trellis pattern Kelly Wearstler uses so well - and just when we were utterly discouraged, we found a shower curtain at Gracious Homes (the girly side) and wondered. . .why not? It was cheap, we cut it up, placed the cushions on them face down, and took out the staple gun.  But we could not figure out how to work a staple gun.  I went on g-video with a male friend who said I was a loser (affectionately). As helpful as that was, I brought the cushion, the fabric, and the staple gun back to Gracious Homes where the awesome man behind the counter showed me how it worked.  It's really easy - you just have to lean down on it and not treat it like some delicate stapler.  Push your whole body into it - BAM! Bam! Bam! Bam! The sound is thrilling.

We went back home and went to work on the other three cushion covers - you don't have to be neat at all - only psycho guests will get on all fours and look under your chairs. And you probably shouldn't be friends with people like that, anyways.  I tend to decorate in the evenings (sorry to any neighbors reading this, yes that was me with the bam bams) and I usually have my best girlfriend in D.C. keeping me company on g-video.  She thinks my nighttime decorating is fascinating and hilarious. When it was all done I played Key Largo again. . . but it didn't really make me sad.  I found the lines that made me smile.

Here's looking at you, kid.  We can find it once again.  Just like they did in Key Largo.

I am finding it all, once again.