Beginning

If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I'm moving from, and what lousy events led up to me moving these massive boxes, and how I landed up in an empty one bedroom on the Upper East Side in the middle of the night with a mattress and a shitzu, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.  In the first place, that stuff now bores me, and in the second place, my ex's lawyer and mine would have about two hemorrhages apiece if I told anything pretty personal.  They're quite touchy about anything like that.  They're nice and all I'm not saying that, but they're also touchy as hell.  Besides, I'm not going to tell you my whole goddam autobiography or anything.  I'll just tell you about this madman stuff that happened to me around last Christmas and how, with a little help from the most unexpected sources, I decided that my empty apartment and I needed an awakening.